Getting Pregnant Spiraled Me Into An Eating Disorder
This was a Guest Post by Lara Zibarras on Your Tango
I used to eat and then throw up my food.
But that was way back in my 20s. A time of huge change: I moved countries, moved cities, broke up with my boyfriend, and started a new job. I was in a new town, trying to settle into the high-paced work-hard-and-then-play-hard routine. So really, the bulimia was how I coped — my only coping mechanism was to binge and then purge.
Thankfully I settled into a slower pace and the need to cope with using food lessened. Along with some therapy, the bulimia appeared short-lived, or so I thought.
As it turns out, the pregnancies I had in my 30s triggered a new eating disorder. Only this time it was more insidious because I had no idea that what I was doing could be disordered.
I was looking for a way to lose the baby weight and bounce back. I knew dieting was not for me because it had spiraled out of control into that restrict-and-then-binge cycle I had previously recovered from.
No, this time I was going to get healthy, which meant, of course, giving up sugar, gluten, dairy, and sometimes if I was feeling particularly martyr-ish, coffee.
It was a miserable existence, but I wore it with an air of superiority. Feeling very smug about my Insta-worthy sugar-free baking (even though it tasted like cardboard).
So here I was, clean eating, avoiding toxins, and trying to be virtuous; yet my mental health was suffering and I was avoiding social events, especially those that involved food.
In hindsight, I now realize that my getting healthy had spiraled into orthorexia: AKA an unhealthy obsession with eating clean that negatively impacts your mental health and well-being.